:: Monday, June 27, 2005 ::

Sometimes the more I try to be honest the more I feel vulnerable and the less I want to be honest.

Truly, the irony.

It makes me not want to say things I feel.

When you lay your heart out there in the open, it's bound to get trampled on all over. Maybe that's why for the longest time I learnt never to wear my heart on my sleeve and thought that things are better left unsaid. Learnt to make people wonder what I am thinking. I don't do that anymore because I didn't want to play games anymore.

Whatever happened and is happening? I don't know at all.

All I know is that what he asked of me made me have that choking feeling in my throat again. Welling up in my eyes again. Couldn't sleep well again.

Forced myself to push it to the back of my mind so I can go on normally, cause he sure as hell isn't making a big deal out of it. Almost casual, even. Maybe it's a joke.

'You're fooling yourself'

What makes you think it's okay... It's not.


****************


I miss everything.

I miss those days were we had no worries.

I miss when we were happy even when doing silly mundane things like fighting for tabasco sauce.

Miss the giddy happiness, just plain happiness, didn't know where everything was heading, but was just happy as it is.

Miss waking up in the middle of the night and find you messaged me asking if I'm okay, am I back home yet, cause you're worried.

I miss the way you used to speak softly into my ear.

Miss the days when we didn't just part with 'bye', but with reluctance to let go.

I miss hugging you tightly just to smell CkOne.

I miss the kind of smses you used to sent me which I actually still save on my phone.

Miss the way you hold me like you're not letting go.

I miss sneaking peeks at you from the corner of my eye during movies.

Miss the way you look when you are being serious, telling me things important, being honest, being intent.

Miss the little messages you used to leave me, things you wrote to me.

I even miss what I used to call the silly frog jokes.

Miss the days when things are easier, the mood is lighter, when I didn't have 101 doubts in my head, being 100% sure of you, everything was happier. The happy first few weeks when I was absolutely happy, I wanted to make you happy.

I miss the old you and me.
:: The Girl 6:27 AM [+] ::
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